The Need to Please and It's Utter Failure

The need to please. Something almost all of us are guilty of. Why? Well, it breaks down like this: The need to please indicates a lack of self-love, and we will do or trade anything to get something that looks or feels like that self love… Whether it’s compromising your integrity or saying, ”I'm fine” so as not to make a scene, it is all just an attempt to find love.

So, what’s the problem with this need to please?  Isn’t it better to put other's feeling and wellbeing first? Why shouldn’t we want to please others, especially people we care about? Isn't it “better to give than to receive?” 

Well, it all depends on who is giving and who is receiving. A saying comes to mind, ”If your well is empty, who will drink?”

It is not the please part of the equation that’s the problem, it’s the need that gets in the way. 

With this need comes attachment, and it is with attachment that inevitably comes suffering. Yes I know it sounds a little Yoda-ish. Regardless of the Star Wars cliché, need causes suffering. Need is all about the past and future - trying to hold onto or attach to past events or feelings, or projecting into the future, and oftentimes suffering over it. For example, trying to keep that love you received because you pleased her (or him) in the past and make that a constant... Typically this is what people are doing when they complain: "Our relationship (sex, romance, etc.) is not how it used to be!" Suffering instead of recognizing whatever is actually present and NOW!

However, change is the only true constant. Once you're attached to a singular thing, it has changed. When a person is truly in the moment, truly present, need and suffering fall away. But as soon as we become attached to that thing, even that recent event when you felt loved or appreciated but needed it because you didn't know how or couldn't give it to yourself, that need and attachment takes you out of the present. The attachment to that moment and the way you felt and wanting to re-create that feeling or experience, that is need and that's where suffering lives.

To simplify all of that spiritual mumbo jumbo I've created a portmanteau phrase from Buddha and Spok: "All things are transitory in an infinitely expanding universe."

Now it's clear, the need to please doesn't really work. Especially not when it comes to love...

Acting out the need to please is you trying to replace the love you don't feel for yourself with their love. But because you do not feel or believe you are actually lovable, you will be unable to receive their love. You will reject it, both subconsciously and consciously and eventually will only attract people who take you for granted or abuse you in some form or fashion.

What do you concede, what important aspect of yourself are you sacrificing in order to please others?

Is it worth it? 

The real question is... How important is your happiness?

Something to think about.

Sifu Marcus Lovemore
with contributions by Katie Strand

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Get Better Now!... Living Mastery
Show Archives:

• GBN episode: 16 Ask Sifu Marcus Attraction, Non-attachment vs. Indifference, & Why Women Like Assholes
  
• GBN episode # 15 Ask Sifu Marcus Forgiveness & Purpose Fixing People
  
• GBN episode #14 - Ask Sifu Marcus Why vs. What & How?
  
• GBN episode #13 - The Secret to Always Making The Right Decision… Listening to Yourself!
  
• GBN episode #11 - Purpose & Joy: Sustaining Fulfillment
  
• GBN episode #10 - Rest & Recovery: The Secret to True Excellence
  
• GBN episode #9 - The Key to Wealth, Love, & Happiness
  
• GBN episode #8: The Lovemore Workout
  
• GBN episdode #7 - The Real Truth About Fitness with guest J.J. Flizanes
  
• GBN Episode #6 - Live with Satyen Raja
  
• GBN episopde #4 - Detoxification & Purification
  
• GBN episode #3 - Polarity Part #2: The Art of Attraction:
  
• GBN episode #2 - Polarity Part#1 - The Art of Attraction
  
• GBN episode #1 - Superior Memory, Listening, and Learning:

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GBN Episode #6 - Live with Satyen Raja

GBN Episode #6
Live with Satyen Raja

Listen, Click Here:

Summary:

What is true power? What is truth? Can ecstasy be attained and how? In the next Get Better Now show we are going to unravel these mysteries and many more with a candid interview of renowned teacher and author Satyen Raja. With a remarkable living synthesis of Eastern wisdom and of Western practicality, Satyen Raja combines the power of the Warrior and the wisdom of the Sage to inspire audiences worldwide. Satyen is a unique blend of power and of heart. He is a Kung-Fu Master and a trainer of the renowned Illumination Intensive. He has taught thousands of students in Canada, the United States, Australia and Europe the art of 'true power'. Satyen’s dramatic style is not for the timid. Through his teachings, your weaknesses become your strengths… Quickly… So you can Get Better Now!

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Polarity - The Art of Attraction & Show Excerpt

episode #2: Wed. 21th of May WorldTalk Radio studio A:
Polarity part#1 – The Art of Attraction

Listen to this Excerpt from the show Now:

• What is the secret of attraction? How can you be more attractive instantly? Why are so many men just wimps? And why do the bad guys seem so good? Why do women seem so cold sometimes, or is the bitchy ice-queen the national mascot? What do women really want? What are men actually thinking? In the next two part Get Better Now show you’ll find out the simple answers to these hard and ageless questions. Plus the real juicy answers like – How does lots of crazy, steamy, ravaging sex and stable monogamy mix, and even compliment each other? When to talk and when to just frickn’ take her. The secret way of communicating so you’ll never have to ask him to do anything ever again; he’ll just want to do it – and love you for it too. So…If you’re going to listen to a Get Better Now show THIS is the one, it is like the decoder ring for the sexes and relationships.

Read More on Polarity & Attraction:

The quality of your sex is directly proportional to the attraction you and your partner experience.

So what is attraction? Attraction is the interplay of contrast. It is the negative to the positive, the up to the down, the in to the out, and the male to the female. All of these things are magnetically attracted to each other. The union of that contrast in people is sex. The more the contrast the better the spark, or attraction, and the more intense the exchange of energy.

The key to taking advantage of this process is understanding where you are on the scale of male to female, and where on that scale you are relative to your partner. Your partner also needs to know the same understanding relative to you. In this way if you want to increase and sustain attraction - that magnetic spark - you want to realize more of that part of you that is polarized to the major part of your partner. The attraction is about polarization and flow of energy from one contrast to another. The more feminine your partner is the more masculine you want to be to create that attractive spark and visa versa. In fact, the thing that attracts you and your partner - magnetism this principle of attraction - is what the entire universe runs off of.

The question arises; "Is this how you have to be all the time towards your partner, especially if this is not necessarily your true nature?"

No, only when you want to create this attractive spark and want to initiate the flow of energy. This is your choice.

The other question that inevitably comes up is: ”Ok, so I have to be more masculine or feminine depending on my partner to create that spark. Then what exactly does being masculine or feminine mean? I mean other than the obvious anatomical stuff?”

Well, masculine and feminine have less to do with your physiology than it does with your energetic attitude. Understand that women can be more masculine than some men and visa versa.

What are those tendencies that delineate masculine (below M) from feminine (below F)? Here are some examples:

M: Fixed ----------------------F: Fluid
M: Grows by challenge-------F: Grows by praise
M: Directed--------------------F: Both/Diffused
M: Analytical------------------F: Intuitive
M: Angular--------------------F: Curved
M: Sharp----------------------F: Soft
M: Focused-------------------F: Infinite
M: Consciousness------------F: Life force/Nature
M: Desires trust--------------F: Desires love
M: Purpose driven-----------F: Devotion
M: Past driven ---------------F: Present driven
M: Release from constraint--F: Unity with everything
M: The warrior---------------F: The goddess

These are just some concepts that relate to male and female energy; If you want more try reading some of the works of David Deida, Alison Armstrong, or Satyen Raja.

After understanding the differences, next you want to identify which set is closest to you natural tendencies, and when you want that attractive spark you must then accentuate those tendencies. This will attract the most compatible partner; someone perfectly designed to satisfy all your more interesting quirks. And if you are with someone already these concepts will take your relationship to the next level.

Realistically, all you have to do to totally integrate these concepts is to pick one or two of the tendencies that are your weakest and work on then until they are naturally at the level you want them. Then just pick one or two more and keep on going.

Welcome to Get Better Now! The blog.

What is the show about? Listen to the Get Better Now Promo Here!

The show is a compilation of the techniques and philosophies I've been teaching and/or using for the past 30 years. And I wanted to give everyone free access to some of this priceless yet essential knowledge before it is forgotten -yet do it in a way that doesn't necessarily exclude anyone with the usual airy-fairy, spiritual bull-shit tone and info. I was tired of hearing and seeing all of these amazing teachers and info that no one knows about, and when people did find them it all sounded like a baby fricking babling in an Indian accent. It prevented the message from getting through only because of the fact that the messenger was a little nutty. The real travesty is that these teachers and styles have overshadowed the message, creating a stereo type that overshadows anyone else who might have a similar message that people would receive. And if they happen to be interesting and engaging, then they probably are just trying to sell you something. I wanted to give you something you could use NOW to get better that you don't have to have a doctorate in ancient civilization or philosophy to get. AND FOR FREE!

It will be me and some of the best teachers and techniques that you may not know but will make you definitely Get Better Now!

Did you find this information useful?
Then pay if forward. Help my Scholarship Students and allows me to create more of my Free Programs and Shows by now donating. Any amount is greatly appreciated.

Thank You,
Marcus Lovemore